Blog

How to get out of manic mode

Are you operating in manic mode?

I’m guessing if you clicked on this blog post, you already know what I’m talking about.

Manic mode. It’s feeling like you can’t slow down. Like there will never be enough time to get everything done, so you rush from place to place to check another item off a to-do list that never seems to get shorter. There is an underlying feeling of anxiety and edge through your entire body.

One of my clients calls this panic mode. Not quite an actual panic attack, but snaking in that direction.

It’s not a healthy place.

I first noticed my own manic mode a few years ago when I was running errands on a weekend day. I felt my whole body rushing with an urgent need to get everything done on my to-do list. It was like there was a hamster wheel in front of my lungs and I could feel it spinning faster and faster, whirring inside my body.

So I stopped.

My rational brain kicked in and I said to myself, “This is ridiculous. Nothing you are doing is an emergency. You don’t need to feel this way.”

I took a breath and let go of manic mode. The whir of the hamster wheel in my chest began to quiet down. My heart rate slowed. The underlying anxiety pulsing through my body started to subside.

I purposefully shifted my body out of manic mode and back into a normal state of being. Still moving forward. Still getting things done. Just without the manic.

I realized I could be productive AND calm at the same time.

Manic mode didn’t help me get through my to-do list any faster. It just made it less enjoyable.

After that day, I started to notice when I was operating in manic mode. The hamster wheel in my chest was the dead giveaway. Over time, I noticed more subtle signals as well. Shallow breathing. My mind ticking faster than normal. I often bumped into things when I was in manic mode – literally. I have manic mode to blame for countless bruises and scrapes!

Manic mode shows up less now than it used to, but it still makes an appearance every once in a while. When I notice it, I take a breath and move my body out of manic mode state. It’s an intentional shift. Sometimes I can do it in an instant and sometimes it requires sitting for a minute and taking deep breaths. But it works every time.

What does your manic mode look like?

Think about how your body tells you that you’re in manic mode. Do you have the wheel spinning in your chest like me? Or is there tightness in your belly? Do you feel like you can’t take a deep breath? The signals are different for everyone – start paying attention to yours.

When you notice it, stop and breathe. Tell yourself that you don’t have to live this way. Purposefully release manic mode. Feel your body and mind slow down. And then keep going on with your day – no manic required.

 

ONE FINAL NOTE: If you can’t slow down and manic mode is more than an underlying feeling – it’s a high level of overarching anxiety, please reach out for help. As I coach, I work with women that experience manic mode, but if you are having panic attacks or all-consuming anxiety, then a therapist or psychologist is a better fit (I have also worked with clients utilizing a therapist and me as a coach at the same time and it’s a great combination!).

Heather Whelpley is a coach and speaker that works with high achieving women that want to stop being so hard on themselves and get back their joy while still having a successful career. Click here to learn more about coaching.

 

How to let people help you

How to let people help you

You are a high achieving, smart, successful woman. You’re holding a million pieces of life together, juggling twenty balls and keeping them all airborne. You can spill your coffee down your shirt and walk into a meeting with your CEO 20 minutes later. You can simultaneously make dinner, teach fourth grade math, and listen to the emotional drama of a 13-year-old. You can leap tall buildings in a single bound. Possibly even walk on water.

In other words – You’ve got this.

But you don’t have to.

I can’t tell you the thousands upon thousands of times that someone offered me help and I responded with, “I’m good.”

I remember one trip to Houston, Texas when I first started my career coordinating leadership development programs for senior leaders. Thirty-five of us flew  from Minneapolis to Houston and then got on a bus to our hotel. Everyone had luggage, but I also had all the course materials for the week. More than one person offered me help, but instead of saying, “Thanks, that would be great” and handing them a box, I chose to sling my backpack over my shoulders, balance one box on top of my roller bag and drag it behind me, and situate another box on my hip with my arm slung over the top. My fingers barely reached the bottom.

It would have been so much easier to accept help. I didn’t even have to ask for it! It was offered directly to me. But my lifelong MO has been “I’ve got it” so that was my response. I remember taking a certain amount of pride in walking into that hotel, laden down with all my supplies and making it through the door without dropping anything. It gave me confidence to know that I always had it together.

This is a tiny example, but when a million of these tiny examples add up, they create layers of unnecessary stress and anxiety. It’s not just about accepting help with suitcases and boxes. It’s working late nights to complete a project that was really too much to take on in the first place. It’s bearing the weight of your husband’s illness in silence because you don’t want to be a burden on anyone. It’s crying in your car while sitting in the garage at home and then wiping your tears and smiling as you walk in the door.

I see two major reasons we don’t accept (let alone ask for!) help. First, we don’t want to be a burden. We’re afraid that we’re going to put a major inconvenience on someone. But here’s the thing – people LIKE to help. They ENJOY being needed. So flip your mindset and see that you are giving someone the opportunity to help you.

Second, accepting help is admitting that we can’t do it all. That is confronting. And scary. And vulnerable. This one often takes some deeper work. You need to get behind what’s driving you to feel like you always have to have it all together so that you can create a new story for yourself. A story that makes life easier and more enjoyable. This work is hard, but it’s worth it. This is the work that can really change your life.

Heather Whelpley is a coach and speaker that works with high achieving women that want to stop overwhelm and get back their joy while still having a successful career. Click here to learn more about coaching.

How to get back to the woman you really are

Getting Back To The Woman You Really Are

A client recently told me “I just want to get back to feeling like the woman I am.” Can you relate? Like it’s not actually change you need, but rather a returning to who you really are?

I get it. I spent several years actively saying out loud that I had reached the height of my confidence and freedom in sixth grade and now I was just trying to get back there.

So many things get in the way of being the woman you really are! And it’s not like they appear overnight. We have years of layers covering up our true selves. A layer of believing you always have to be successful, no matter what you’re doing. A layer of feeling like you have to lose weight. A layer of your inner critic saying you’re not good enough. A layer of culture telling you to be perfect, but not too perfect, to speak your mind, but not too loudly, and to be strong, but still feminine.

It’s no wonder you feel like you’ve lost a part of yourself! I assure you, you’re still in there, but you’ve been buried alive!

What Women Hear

There is a lot of deep work to do in this area and I would love to work with you on it when you’re ready. In the meantime, I offer one simple way to start getting back in touch with your true self.

Ask yourself, several times a day, “What do I want right now?”

So simple, but when was the last time you really asked yourself that question? Most of the time it’s been so long that we’re completely disconnected from our desires.

Start asking yourself the question. Listen to the response. When many people start this practice, the response is nearly always “sleep”. If that’s true for you, allow yourself to fulfill that need to the best of your ability. Over time, other desires will start to appear and you’ll start to tap back into the woman you really are.

Heather Whelpley is a coach and speaker that works with high achieving women that want to stop overwhelm and get back their joy while still having a successful career. Click here to learn more about coaching.

What to do when your soul is appalled

What to do when your soul is appalled

I recently listened to Elizabeth Gilbert and Rob Bell interview each other at a live New Year’s event that they posted to Rob Bell’s podcast, The RobCast. In the middle of the interview Liz (I’ve seen her live twice, so clearly we’re on a casual first name basis 🙂) brought up what happens when your soul is appalled. And when you’re in this situation, she said, you don’t have to know exactly the path you’re supposed to be on. You only have to know enough to say, “NOT THIS”.

NOT THIS to the job that is sucking your soul dry.

NOT THIS to the schedule that is leaving you exhausted.

NOT THIS to the “friend” that takes way more than she ever gives.

NOT THIS to holding yourself to such high standards that it’s only a matter of time before you break.

NOT THIS to nodding your head silently and putting on a happy face while you’re screaming on the inside.

Elizabeth Gilbert Quote

Before I started my business I worked for many years in HR and leadership development for large companies. In late 2016 I found out we were going to restructure our team and shuffle around responsibilities. I let my wishes be known that I loved my work in women’s leadership development and was interested in doing more work in talent management.

On the morning of February 10, 2017 – my birthday – I found out that 75% of my job was going to be performance management. Something I never had any interest in. There was an immediate lurch in my stomach. I almost started to cry in my boss’s office, but I held back tears and said it would be fine. But I knew it wasn’t fine. My entire being was screaming NOT THIS.

My soul was appalled. There was nothing “wrong” with the job, but it just wasn’t right for me. I didn’t know the next step in my career but I knew it was NOT THIS. I immediately starting exploring and considering different possibilities. Get a different corporate job? Talk to my boss to let her know I couldn’t stay in this job very long? Or take the big leap and start my own business?

Over the next 5 months of exploring I landed on becoming an entrepreneur. It was exciting and terrifying and completely overwhelming, but my soul knew it was the right decision. Instead of NOT THIS, my soul gently kept saying, THIS, THIS, THIS (click here to get an exercise that can help you get back in touch with what your soul and inner voice are saying to you).

I had no idea where my path would lead that day in my boss’s office when I found out my job was going to change. I only knew that my soul was appalled and screaming NOT THIS.

Is your soul roaring NOT THIS to any part of your life? Comment of send me a message to let me know what’s happening for you.

Heather Whelpley is a coach and speaker that works with high achieving women that want to stop overwhelm and get back their joy while still having a successful career. Click here to learn more about coaching.

The ONE question to ask yourself to know if it’s time for change

art-background-brick-272254

Are you ready for the easiest way to know if it’s time to make a change? It’s a single question and will only take you 5 seconds to answer. Here it is…

Take a deep breath and fast forward one year into the future. You’ve continued on the exact path you’re on today.  You’re in the same job, same pace of life, relationships functioning in the same way. How does that make you feel?

Be honest. What was your immediate response?

If your answer was “I’d feel awesome!” or “Great! I’d be happy to keep going down the same road I’m on now!” then you’re probably good. Of course, we always can (and should!) continue to push ourselves outside of our comfort zone and develop, but your general trajectory is likely solid. And that’s awesome!

But if your immediate response was feeling sad, stuck, overwhelmed, anxious, or even angry, then it’s a sign you need to make a change.

Tell me, what was most frustrating when you pictured yourself on the same path one year in the future? Was it your job? The crazy hustling you’re doing to get everything done each day yet still feeling behind? A relationship? Continuing to be tired – not just physically, but mentally, emotionally, and spiritually?

Or was it everything all together?

Take some time to explore what came up for you. Often the first thing that comes to mind is only part of the picture. Dig deeper. Re-evaluate what is really most important to you. Start taking action to change.

If you’d like help figuring out what changes need to happen and taking action to make those changes a reality, I would love to talk to you. You can schedule a free coaching consultation HERE.

You deserve to lead a life you love. You deserve to be fulfilled. You deserve to look a year into the future and be EXCITED. 

 

Heather Whelpley is a coach and speaker that works with women to stop the hustle so they can reclaim their life and focus on what’s really important. Click here to learn more about coaching.

Five Steps To Reclaim Your Joy

5 steps to reclaim your joy

Do you feel like you’ve lost some of your joy? You’re not necessarily truly unhappy, but you don’t have that same joie de vivre that you had earlier in life?

I felt this way several years ago as well. Somewhere in process of becoming a “real” adult with a corporate job and freeway commute and gym membership, I had lost some of my joy. When I was younger I regularly lost complete control of my laughter – to the point where it was a joke among my friends that I had reached my own personal “happy hour” when I just couldn’t stop laughing. In my sixth grade yearbook there were two things listed next to my name. “Good at math” and “Laughing”. But those belly laughs weren’t coming as regularly as I entered my 30’s. I still had fun, but it wasn’t the same.

Two big things gave me joy back – slowing down and giving myself permission to be unproductive. For me, they go hand in hand. I had to give myself permission to be unproductive in order to slow down and I had to slow down to be able to give myself permission to be unproductive. How’s that for a mouthful of a sentence?!? But it’s true! I knew I needed to slow down, but the achiever in me felt like I always needed to be productive – even in my free time. So I rushed around getting everything done on my to-do list, feeling like a wheel was constantly revving inside my chest. Even when I allowed myself a 20-minute nap it was in the name of productivity!

I’m happy to tell you that my joy has returned full force. There are regular moments now when I feel completely overwhelmed with joy and wonder in the best way ever. Friends that have known me for years comment on how happy I am. A few have even said I look younger! A nice side benefit 🙂

You too can get your joy back. I created this guide just for you – The Five Steps To Reclaim Your Joy. Just follow the link, enter your name and email, and you’ll be directed to the guide immediately. You’ll see that slowing down and giving yourself permission to be unproductive are the first two steps in the guide, but there are three more that you can start using today!

I promise you haven’t lost your joy. It is sitting inside of you, just waiting for you to reclaim it.

Heather Whelpley is a coach and speaker that works with women to stop the hustle so they can reclaim their life and focus on what’s really important. Click here to learn more about coaching.

Ode To The 2019 Woman

Ode To The 2019 Woman

Last Friday I laced up my hiking shoes, silenced my phone, and headed out for a short walk in the woods. Ten minutes into enjoying the sunshine and movement I was suddenly overcome with words I just HAD to write. I pulled out my phone and stood on the side of the trail writing line after line into my Evernote app. This is what came out. This is everything I want to say to my clients, to myself, and to all women everywhere. This is my message for you.

 

Ode To the 2019 Woman

You are more than your job title and your latest performance review.

You are more than your pants size, dress size, and cup size.

You are more than being a mother – or not being a mother.

You are more than what anyone thinks you “should” be doing.

 

You don’t need permission, but if you want it, here you go.

 

YOU HAVE PERMISSION.

 

You have permission to set boundaries.

You have permission to slow down. To breathe. To rest.

You have permission to wear the red dress and feel like you might be too much.

You have permission to take up space. To share your point of view. Loudly. With no question marks at the end.

 

You are allowed to cry.

You are allowed to be overwhelmed.

You are allowed to be mad, sad, livid, scared, and frustrated.

You are allowed to feel whatever feelings you are feeling.

 

You are also allowed be HAPPY.

You are allowed to experience delight. And pleasure. And ease.

You are allowed to bubble over with joy and laugh until your cheeks hurt.

You are allowed to stop wherever you are, look up at the sky, and overflow with the complete wonder of it all.

 

You don’t need to apologize for saying no to someone else.

You don’t need to feel guilty for saying yes to yourself.

 

You are bold, brave, and beautiful.

You are enough in every second of every day.

You are all you need to be.

 

Heather Whelpley is a coach and speaker that works with women to stop the hustle so they can reclaim their life and focus on what’s really important. Click HERE to join Heather’s mailing list and receive a free copy of Five Ways To Quiet The Inner Critic.

What Kind Of Perfectionist Are You?

What kind of perfectionist are you?

For a long time I prided myself on NOT being a perfectionist. I have a MAJOR bias towards action. I want things to be excellent, but I also firmly believe that perfection is unattainable and the effort it takes to make things very nearly perfect simply isn’t worth it. One the core values for my business is even “Progress Over Perfection”!

But then one day I was sitting there revamping my bio for an upcoming speaking engagement and I realized it was the THIRD TIME that week I had updated my bio. Total perfectionist move!

That’s when I knew there were two kinds of perfectionists – procrastinators (not me) and customizers (100% me).

Here’s how they each show up:

  • Procrastinators research an idea to death before sharing it with anyone. They try eighty different fonts on their website and it still isn’t published. They read an email four times before hitting send. They wait until their proposal is “perfect” before sharing it with anyone.
  • Customizers tweak. They re-do the presentation, re-write the bio and update their website a million times. They create an email template and then change it every time it’s sent. Occasionally customizing is helpful. But most often it’s a colossal waste of time.

Procrastinators tend to hold back from taking public action until something is “perfect”. Customizers take action, but then update every step along the way in an effort to make it “perfect.”

Both are inefficient. Both get in our way. And both are driven by doubt.

Procrastinator’s doubt can show up like “It’s not ready! What if people think this idea is dumb? I’m sure they’ve already thought about this. What if I put myself out there and I get criticized? Or worse, what if nobody even notices!” (If this sounds like you, click here to get 5 Ways To Quiet The Inner Critic right now!)

Customizer’s doubt is a little different. It’s more subtle. But at the root is working too hard to customize as a way of proving your worth. 

This is HUGE for so many women. And working to prove your worth has serious impacts on your life. It creates anxiety and overwhelm. It makes you feel like whatever you do is never enough, even though you are busy ALL THE TIME.

Which kind of perfectionist are you? Comment below to let me know!

Heather Whelpley is a coach and speaker that works with women to stop the hustle so they can reclaim their life and focus on what’s really important. See her coaching page for more information.

Slowing Down Is Vulnerable – Here’s Why You Need To Do It Anyway

Brené Brown quote on vulnerability

If there was one thing I wish I could say to all my clients (and 99% of Americans, including myself) it would be this:

SLOW DOWN.

We never stop! Our bodies and minds are going ALL THE TIME. We get on a hamster wheel the second we wake up and we don’t get off of it until we go to bed (that is, assuming you can put the worries and to-do list aside well enough to actually sleep).

Part of our busyness is habit. Part is an obligation to say yes to everything. Part is cultural expectations that we should always be productive.

But I’ve realized recently there is another reason.

Slowing down is vulnerable.

When we take a break, we worry if there will be enough.

When we quiet our mind, things surface we’ve been working to avoid.

When we define ourselves by our busyness and check marks on a to-do list, we question who we even are when we slow down.

Slowing down opens us up to all sorts of vulnerability.

But slowing down also opens us up to creativity. And focus. And joy.

It allows us to be grounded, centered, and present.

It open the airwaves so we can hear our true inner voice.

And that is where the magic happens.

So expect vulnerability when you slow down. Let go of any notion of transcendence or perfect quiet or the “right” way to slow down. Instead, muddle through it, messy and imperfect though it may be. Your magical, authentic, true self is on the other side.

 

Heather Whelpley is a coach and speaker that works with high achieving women to master doubt and imposter syndrome, re-evaluate what they really want in their career and life, and move forward to create their authentic path. Click HERE to join Heather’s mailing list and receive a free copy of Five Ways To Quiet The Inner Critic.

What To Do When You Feel Guilty For Wanting To Leave Your Job

blur-city-dark-394377.jpg

You have a good job. Decent salary. 401K match. Benefits. Stable company. You’re even working in the field you wanted.

There’s just one problem.

You don’t like your job.

And you feel GUILTY for even entertaining the idea of a change.

You have ALL the thoughts…

  • I have what I wanted – shouldn’t I be happy?
  • Other people would kill for this job and all the great things I have in my life – why can’t I just enjoy it?
  • What is everyone going to think if I leave? Will they be mad?
  • Why can’t I just be grateful?

Here’s the little secret….

This isn’t an either/or situation.

You can be GRATEFUL and want CHANGE at the same time.

Wanting something different doesn’t mean you’re greedy.

Leaving your company doesn’t mean you aren’t loyal.

Changing jobs or entire careers doesn’t mean you aren’t grateful for everything that has brought you to this point.

abendstimmung-ball-shaped-clouds-220429.jpg

When your inner voice nudges you in a new direction, you NEED to explore it. Even if you aren’t sure what’s next. Even if you don’t know where the new direction might lead.

It’s time to stop feeling guilty for knowing you’re meant for something different.

Be grateful – and start changing.

 

Heather Whelpley is a coach and speaker that works with women to stop the hustle and reclaim their joy. Click HERE to join Heather’s mailing list and receive a free copy of Five Ways To Quiet The Inner Critic.