Instead of resolutions, Ask Yourself these Four questions

It's that time of year again. When the new year's resolutioning kicks into high gear, you start seeing nonstop ads for gyms and weight-loss solutions, and you feel the pressure (and sometimes real desire!) to improve every aspect of your life.

There's nothing innately wrong with using the energy of the new year to make changes. I've spent many hours over the past few weeks both reflecting on 2022 and visioning for 2023 - and I'm excited to move towards that vision and do some things differently this coming year.

I also know it can be a lot. The motivation to change can turn into the weight to change which can morph into the inner critic punishing you for NOT doing the change perfectly pretty darn quickly.

On top of that, so many new year's resolutions end up being connected to our society's standards of how you're supposed to show up - as opposed to what YOU really want for yourself.

So before you dive into resolutioning, I invite you to stop. Ask yourself these four questions that have been more helpful for me in creating change than any concrete goal or resolution.

Look back on 2022... What are you proud of?

Start with celebrating yourself! So often we jump right past all the amazing things we've done and focus only on the places we see ourselves lacking. This is normal. Our brains automatically look for all the negative stuff and problems to solve as a survival mechanism. If you've been handed some perfectionist tendencies, then you're even more likely to blow past your accomplishments. This means you have to do it on purpose. Go back through the year and write down what you're really proud of - both the tangible accomplishments and the intangible moments where you stepped into your courage, took a risk, or noticed progress.

For example, my proud list includes both the traditional accomplishment of my book, An Overachiever's Guide To Breaking The Rules, winning multiple awards AND realizing I didn't have any extended periods in 2022 where I felt overwhelmed and burned out. I don't think that's happened since I was 14. It feels HUGE.

What are you proud of?

What do you want to be different next year?

This question has been very telling for me. It gets right to the heart of the changes you want to make in your life. These might be big concrete changes, like starting a new job, behavioral changes like having a hard conversation you've been shoving under the rug and trying your best to ignore, or really fun changes, like taking a big international trip this year (that one is on my list! Maybe inn to inn hiking in Scotland?!?).

I also realized I want to do some deeper personal work with people outside of the workplace (in addition to speaking for employee resource groups and conferences - which I also love!), so I'll be experimenting with offering workshops you can sign up for directly this year.

There's no right or wrong answer to this question (or any of the questions) - there's just what YOU want to be different for YOU.

How do you want to feel in 2023?

I have to credit Danielle LaPorte with this question. It's the core focus of her book, The Desire Map, and it's a completely different way to look at setting goals. Instead of immediately writing down all the things you want to accomplish in the coming year, first think about how you want to feel and then let your goals, dreams, and decisions stem from that.

When I brainstormed how I want to feel in 2023, a huge theme came out around letting my full self out into the world. I want to feel powerful, free, expressive, radiant, courageous, connected, and like I'm owning it and living out loud. I also wrote down that I want to feel energized (physically and mentally), in the flow, and like I'm dancing joyfully.

Your list may not include any of the feelings I captured here. What's on your list?

What do you need to say yes and no to in order to feel this way?

This is where things get more tangible. What do you need to say yes to in your life to feel the way you want to feel? What do you need to say no to? For example, I need to say yes to hiking more often because it makes me feel free, I need to say yes to pausing before making any new commitments to determine if they will lead me away from how I want to feel, or I need to say no to checking my email immediately when I wake up in the morning.

My "no" list includes saying no to rushing. I've realized over the past several years that rushing is the root of most of the ways I don't want to feel. Rushing amps up my body, causes unnecessary stress, and disconnects me from creativity, joy, and wonder. In saying NO to rushing, I'm saying YES to slowing down, noticing my body, breathing, and relaxing - and saying yes to feeling free, radiant, connected, powerful, joyful, and in the flow.

What's on your yes and no list?


If you want to have specific goals after you do these reflections, go for it! I prefer asking myself where I want to focus in the upcoming year, rather than super specific goals in my business and life, but do whatever works for you.

Either way, this is a totally different approach to creating change in the new year - and one that I've found works WAY better for me. I feel motivated instead of stressed. My feelings and focus areas are aligned to who I am and how I want to show up in the world.

These questions are all about creating the life you want to lead. They are about increasing joy, freedom, and impact.

And isn't that what we all want?!?