What To Do When You’re Freaking Out About Big Decisions
Three weeks ago I bought a house!
I'd been looking for five months, put offers in on three other places, and was coming to the end of my lease where some not so fun things were going to happen if I didn't find a place, like putting all my stuff in storage and renting an Airbnb until the right house came up.
And then the right house came up! I knew it was my house the second I walked in. My real estate agent and I submitted the offer sitting at the dining room table while we were still doing the showing.
I was SO excited when the offer was accepted (especially after I found out they'd gotten four other offers on the house).
Everything in my body and intuition told me this was the right decision.
Even with all this knowing and excitement, there were still MANY moments I completely freaked out.
Sure, it's a big decision and huge investment.
But they weren’t the only reasons I was freaking out.
It's because buying a house felt PERMANENT.
I woke up one Friday morning at 1:00am with all sorts of anxiety swirling around inside of me, questioning if I really wanted to commit to a house and location and give up my freedom.
Let me be clear - I had thought about all of this before I ever started looking for a house. I wanted a house to make my own. I was ready to commit to my town and become a full-fledged member of the community.
But the anxiety still showed up.
Then I did the two things that help me every time I freak out about big decisions:
Reminded myself of one-way doors and two-way doors
Talked to a friend who shares my values
One-Way Doors and Two-Way Doors
I heard of the concept of one-way doors and two-way doors on a podcast several years. I have no idea what that podcast was, but the idea stuck with me hard.
Here’s the crux of it: We so often think our decisions are one-way doors. You make the decision, walk-through the door, and there's no way to get back out. You're on the other side forever.
But here's the thing - it's not true.
Most of your decision are two-way doors. You make decision and if it doesn't work, you go back out. Or you make a different decision that allows you to move forward through a new door.
Most of the decisions we make aren't nearly as permanent as they feel.
I anticipate living in this house for many years. Although I don't believe in the concept of a "forever home" for myself (I don't get that whole idea), I wouldn't have bought it if I were planning to move out next year.
But I COULD move out next year if I needed to. I could sell the house. I could rent it out. There are options.
In short, buying this house is a two-way door.
I remind myself of these two-way doors whenever a decision feels bigger and more permanent than it really is. It always feels like relief.
Are there big decisions you’ve been putting off in your life because they feel like a one-way door when they’re really a two-way door? Getting a new job? Moving? Trying something new in your business? When you really sit down to think about it, are there more options than first appear if the decision doesn’t work out like you’re hoping?
Talk To A Friend Who Shares My Values
Then I did the second thing – I talked to a friend.
I brought up my anxiety over this big decision while on a hike with a friend and before I even mentioned the concept of one-way and two-way doors I’d been reminding myself of, he shared his perspective that buying this house wasn't a permanent decision.
It's always a relief to voice my worries out loud. Their power over me decreases immediately when I name the worries and share them with another person.
And it was a double relief to hear him say the words I needed to hear.
Sometimes we need our friends to challenge us and ask hard questions.
And sometimes we need friends who align to our values to agree with us and remind us of what we already know - and that we can take a deep breath and let go of the worry.
Which was what I needed – and got – that day on the hike.
Who does that for you? Who reminds you of what you already know to be true?
That's it. Two-way doors and talking to a friend. My personal recipe to stop freaking out about big decisions and move forward with what I know is right for me -- with a calmer body and more connected heart.