The top three ways my life has changed since letting go of proving and overdoing
I do the work I do because I lived it myself. I used to be the classic over-doer. I over-did EVERYTHING. School, work, exercise - even fun! I said yes to to it all. I completely ignored my body. I constantly felt like I was in proving mode.
And then I realized I didn't want to keep living that way. I wanted to do good work and make an impact, but I didn't want the weight of feeling like everything I did had to be successful right away. I didn't want to feel like I should always be doing more. I didn't want to feel like I had something to prove.
So I dug in. And I let go. Slowly. Over time.
All the details of that journey are in my book, An Overachiever's Guide To Breaking The Rules: How To Let Go Of Perfect and Live Your Truth.
The book was published in September, but I finished the actual writing over a year ago. Before the pandemic. Before moving from Minnesota to Colorado. Before launching Beyond Perfect. Before actually publishing the book and all the learnings that have come along with that.
Today I wanted to share with you the top three things that are different NOW from when I was living in constant over-doer, proving mode.
MORE JOY, LESS GUILT
I let myself go on a hike in the middle of a Wednesday afternoon andI don't feel guilty! I don't like I "should" be productive instead of out there hiking. I don't feel that physical pull back to work. This isn't just about hiking - it's about everything. I'm able to be more present in whatever I'm doing - and that means more joy.
I CAN FAIL WITHOUT FEELING LIKE I'M A FAILURE
I used to feel like EVERYTHING I did had to be successful the first time I did it. I drove myself into the ground to make sure everything was done above and beyond. That meant I was exhausted and burned out a lot. And even more than that, that pressure to make everything successful felt awful on a deep emotional and spiritual level.
No more! I've failed at a BUNCH of things in the last year - and I've learned from them and LET THEM GO. I'm not going to say that I LIKE failing, but I don't feel like it's a direct reflection on me as a human. And that feels amazing.
LESS "SHOULD" AND MORE FOLLOWING MY OWN KNOWING
This might be the biggest change of them all. Following my own knowing led me to move to Colorado. I've started running my business according to my own rules and what feels good to me regardless of what's worked for other people or what I'm "supposed" to do. Publishing my book was ALL about following my own knowing - and it's the thing I'm most proud of in my entire career. I’m also creating more impact with my work now that I’ve let go of should.
This also shows up in tiny ways every day, like resting when I'm tired, asking for help when I need it, and feeling my feelings, no matter how messy they are.
There's one big theme that overarches all of these: FREEDOM
I feel free more often now. Free within myself. Free to express myself to others. Free to say no when it's a no and yes when it's a yes. Free to try new things and do my work and see what happens.
One thing I want to be super clear on - this isn't a perfect, clear-cut journey. The over-doer still shows up occasionally. I sometimes have to remind myself to do less.
But it's SO MUCH BETTER. I also have the tools now to reconnect to myself and let go, so I can get back to freedom faster instead of getting stuck in overdoing proving mode.
I want you to experience your own version of this journey. And I want to be your guide on that journey.
That's why I wrote my book.
And that's why I facilitate Beyond Perfect, my small group coaching program just for women to let go of proving, pleasing, and perfecting.
You can have more joy. You can turn off your computer and not think about every email that might be coming in. You can be present with the people around you without worrying about everything you “should” be doing.
You can be free. It IS possible.
Start your own journey of letting go today by joining my email list to get all the updates of offerings to help you along this journey (you’ll also get the first chapter of my book for free!)