Finding Power In Saying No
This is a story I’ve been hesitant to share this story because it involves losing weight.
I don't want to focus on weight here because there's so much pressure on women to lose weight and have the perfect body and it makes me so angry - and yet I still spend way too much time thinking about my body and all the food I eat. And I'd still really like to lose 10 pounds. And it annoys me to no end that I even have that desire.
Aargh. It's complex. And frustrating. And it's made me hesitant to share anything about my weight loss journey.
But I'm doing it today for a very specific reason -- losing weight taught me the unbelievable power (and joy!) that comes with saying no.
I'm going to tell you a specific story about this, but first let me take you back...
I was a healthy, average weight child (although I still remember thinking I needed to lose weight as early as age 11 -- when I most definitely did not need to lose weight! Jesus, these things are buried deep).
I gained 30 pounds in the first semester of 7th grade and then slowly and steadily gained weight again in late high school and early college. I won't get into all the emotions going on here, but let me tell you, there were a lot.
If you've read my book, you know that being overweight and having boys not interested in me were the main root causes that I overdid and overachieved everything. I felt like I was failing in my body and dating, so I made up for it everywhere else by going WAY overboard.
Nothing about it was healthy. The overachieving or the overeating.
I yo-yo dieted for years, mostly on a VERY temporary basis. I went to Weight Watchers multiple times before I even graduated from high school. It never lasted long.
After college I wanted to make a change. Losing ALL the weight felt nearly impossible, so instead I decided I would lose 15 pounds. That felt doable.
I quickly realized that getting healthy wasn't just about me planning my meals.
The really hard part was being surrounded by unhealthy food ALL THE TIME. And not just surrounded, but directly offered food that didn't align with my goals or how I wanted to feel.
This is where I found the power in saying no.
I remember one specific situation....I was substitute teaching (I did that a lot in my early 20s) in a high school special ed classroom with multiple teachers and paras all in the same room.
One of the teachers offered me a Girl Scout cookie.
In the past, I would have automatically said yes without thinking about it. I mean, who doesn't like Girl Scout cookies?!?
On this day, though, I said, "No thanks, I'm good."
When I said no, I felt this POWER course through me.
It wasn't a rebellious high or sense of satisfaction simply from saying no.
It was a power that came from taking control of my desires and what I really wanted and following through on what I knew would feel good for me.
I didn't have to say yes just because it was offered. I had the power to say no anytime I chose.
You've probably figured out by now this isn't just about saying no to a Girl Scout cookie.
It's about the power that comes with saying no to ANYTHING that doesn't align with who you are, how you want to feel, and the impact you want to have.
You already have that power inside of you.
Just like Glinda said to Dorothy, it's been there all along.
Saying no unleashes that power because you are taking control of you.
You're putting a stake in the ground. You're telling people want you want, who you are, and what you are and are not willing to tolerate.
Yep, I got all that from a Girl Scout cookie :)
So go ahead. Say no. Feel the power of an aligned no. Maybe even enjoy it.
And also know there’s just as much power in a full-body, completely aligned YES as there is in any NO. They are two halves of the same coin.
If you want more help saying no, watch my free video series, Three Steps To Recover From Burnout - And Stay That Way. The third step is all about how to set boundaries and say no! You’ll also get 10 scripts to say no without apologizing that you can use at work as well as with family and friends.