Everything Feeling Blah? Here’s What To Do

Last week I was EXHAUSTED. I rallied for coaching calls and the webinars I facilitated (one of which, ironically, was on managing your energy!), but then I crashed.

Thursday night was the height of the exhaustion. I couldn't decide what to do. Nothing sounded good. I didn't really want to look at a screen and watch TV, but anything else felt like WAY too much effort.

I literally stared at Netflix for 15 minutes, flipping through the different possibilities. They all looked awful.

I finally settled on Bridgerton. Which I had already seen. It was all I had the capacity for.

This wasn't exhaustion from lack of sleep - it's emotional exhaustion from the entire last year. It's burnout.

We often think of burnout as just physical tiredness - and it can definitely manifest that way. But the signs and symptoms of burnout are much broader than that, including:

• Feeling an edginess or lack of patience

• Mental fog, like an inability to make decisions (even as simple as Netflix!), less creativity, and lower problem solving skills

• Decreased joy for people and activities you usually enjoy, both at work and in your personal life

• Physical signs like bad sleep, stomach problems, headaches - even your hair falling out (Note: I'm not a doctor and these can all be related to other things going on - see your doctor with any concerns)

There isn't a single fix-it strategy to heal burnout - especially when the situations causing the burnout are still alive and well. But there ARE things you can do to replenish your energy, give you some joy, and make things just a little bit easier.

my top four tips to manage burnout

Practice self-compassion

Nothing is wrong with you. We were not meant to deal with so much uncertainty for so long. And we DEFINITELY weren't built to deal with it physically separated from those we love and our support communities. Give yourself some grace.

One trick to practicing self-compassion? Anytime you feel judgment, turn it around to curiosity. Get curious about what you're feeling, how it shows up in your body, what's really going on, etc.

Someone told me once that it's impossible for judgment and curiosity to exist at the same time. I don't know if that's true scientifically, but it definitely feels true - both in judgment towards myself and judgment towards others.

So notice. Observe. Ask yourself kind questions. And then give yourself a hug. Literally. The pressure from a hug (even one you're giving yourself!) calms the nervous system and makes you feel good.

Give yourself permission to do less and rest more

I've found myself taking A LOT more breaks and naps during the workday lately. Sometimes they are a movement break - I get up and dance to single song and then sit back down to keep working. Sometimes it's a 20 minute nap in the afternoon. I try to listen to my body and follow what it needs.

And there are nights like last Thursday where I give myself permission to do ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. Honestly, on Thursday I don't think I could have even forced myself to do anything "productive." Other times, though, I'm tired, but could force myself to push through -- and I really try to stop and rest. It's a practice.

If giving yourself permission to do less and rest more is hard for you, I invite you to read my book, An Overachiever's Guide To Breaking The Rules: How To Let Go Of Perfect and Live Your Truth. Click here to get the introduction and first chapter free!

Ask yourself: What really replenishes your energy? What has a bad impact when it's missing?

For me, there are two critical factors in my energy: 1) In-person social time 2) Exercising outside. Preferably hiking or snowshoeing in a more nature-y area (walks in my neighborhood are nice, but not quite the same as getting my feet in the dirt).

Apparently I'm not the only one who thinks this way. Last week I was out hiking at a nearby open space. We'd gotten two feet of snow a few days earlier and the trail was pretty hilarious - parts of it were a stream of melting water, parts were total mud, and other parts were snow up to my knees. There was A LOT of laughing as I hiked and slid around and got snow in my shoes.

Partway through my hike I ran into two women. Being the extrovert I am, I struck up a conversation. We were talking about the snow and trail conditions and one of the women said:

"You know, I didn't get out on the trail for a couple of days and I just felt awful. I asked myself, 'Am I depressed?' and I realized, no - I just need to go hiking!"

She went on to say that sometimes it takes a lot of energy to get dressed for hiking and get in your car and drive to the trail, but the second she was out there, she felt good.

Of course, there are serious mental health concerns and depression - that's not what she was experiencing. She just needed to do the thing that worked to replenish her energy. She needed to go hiking.

What do you need?

Plan something to look forward to

We've had so much less to look forward to in the past year, especially big things.  A  good portion of us haven't had a vacation in the last year, at least not one where you went anywhere. The holidays may typically be a really special time for you and this year they felt like a non-event. Maybe your birthday is something you usually really enjoy to and this year it was on Zoom and let's face it - you might have laughed and had some fun, but it probably wasn’t the best birthday of your life.

The events that are typically built into our schedule naturally for us to look forward to haven't been there for a whole year.  It's not just the act of doing the event (going on vacation, having the Christmas party, etc) - it's researching and planning the event, talking about it with the friends and family who will be there, anticipating your experiences, and remembering it afterwards and reminiscing with the people that were there.

You've been missing all of that. For an entire year.

Here's a small example of how that plays out: A month ago my (vaccinated) parents came to visit me in Colorado. I made a reservation for us in a restaurant that had outdoor "igloos" - plastic heated structures outside where one group dined at a time, breathing separate air from all the other diners.

Before going out to dinner that night, I wouldn't have told you that I especially missed eating in restaurants. I definitely missed gathering and eating with people, but restaurants? Meh. I didn't think I really cared.

But then the night came to go out. I put on a dress. And jewelry. And make-up. INCLUDING RED LIPSTICK.

I got an old-fashioned and someone made me mussels and cioppino - two dishes I would never make at home.

The whole thing gave me SO MUCH ENERGY. It made me deliriously happy just to GO OUT.

You need a version of that right now. Something to plan, something to look forward to, something to remember after - and, yes, something to enjoy while you're actually doing it🙂

Maybe that's a night away at an Airbnb. Maybe it's exploring a new trail. Maybe it's creating a scavenger hunt for your kids and then going on a day of adventuring to find everything.

Anything that feels energizing and a little exciting - and not too overwhelming to plan.

Finally, go back to step #1 - practice self-compassion. Do it early and often. Rinse, wash, repeat. Time and time again.

And, remember, you can do all of this and still have hard days and weeks. Things are hard right now and no amount of self-care and support and planning is going to cure ALL of that.

Also remember - your energy will return. You will get through this. Be kind to yourself in the process.

NOTE: I facilitate webinars on wellness and self-care in the new normal for companies and events across the US. It's a constantly evolving workshop based on new research on how people are being impacted right now and emerging strategies to manage energy and burnout. Click here to learn more about that session - and the others topics I speak on.

ANOTHER NOTE: If all of this ever feels like too much, reach out for professional help.It's a great time to have a therapist or counselor.