How To Slow Down and Say No When You’re Worried About Disappointing People
Yesterday I got a message from someone who just finished reading my book, An Overachiever's Guide To Breaking The Rules: How To Let Go Of Perfect and Live Your Truth that said:
"I'm living more abundantly and at a MUCH slower pace AND no one has criticized me like I thought they would for not being Johnny on the spot with work or schedules."
Before anything else, I need to say how much I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE getting your messages about what you're taking from the book! Seriously, keep sending them my way. Every single one lights up my entire day.
But here's the real thing I want to point out in what she said --
"No one has criticized me like I thought they would."
I hear this ALL THE TIME from women who start slowing down and saying no.
You feel like the whole world is going to come crashing down if you don't answer someone's email in ten minutes.
You feel like people are going to be disappointed in you if you say no to new project (or client or volunteer event or whatever it is you're saying no to).
And 90% of the time NO ONE CARES.
(We'll talk about that other 10% in a second)
You have WAY more leeway than you think you do.
So experiment. Play around with saying no and slowing down. See what happens. Nothing has to be permanent - you get to try out new things and see what works.
Okay - so what about that other 10% of the time? The 10% when people DO care?
It happens. When you start saying no and slowing down, there will be people who don't like it, particularly if they've been getting yeses from you for years.
This is hard. I get it.
I'll also tell you that living aligned to your truth WILL disappoint a few people.
There are people who won't understand why you're suddenly saying no when you've always said yes.
They may not understand why you're changing careers to something that doesn't make sense to them.
They may not get why you're opting out of the race you've been placed in and are instead choosing to run your own race. Or take a nice meander down the trail instead of racing at all.
It's okay. You get to decide if it's worth it to disappoint people 10% of the time.
But also remember that 90% of the time, no one will care. You have more leeway than you think to slow down and say no.