The Moment I knew My Job Had To Change

Photo credit: Jennifer MacNiven

Five years ago today, my life changed.

On this day in 2017, I found out my job was changing from something I loved (running women’s leadership development programs) to something I had absolutely ZERO interest in (performance management).

I still remember the exact moment my manager said the words. My entire body had a visceral NO reaction. A pit dropped like a bomb in my stomach. Involuntary tears shot into in my eyes. Every fiber of my being said, “You’re going to HATE this.”

It was also my birthday.

CLEALY the universe was sending me a message.

At the time, no one knew what I was feeling. I was good at putting on a front and pretending everything was okay. REALLY good. So I shoved down the tears, put a smile on my face, and started the new job.

But I knew something was going to have to change. I could pretend for a while on the outside, but I couldn’t pretend on the inside.

Here was the problem, though – I didn’t know what I wanted. I didn’t know what that change would be.

Should I negotiate with my boss to stay in this role for a set amount of time, like a year, and then move to a new job at the same company?

Should I start looking for jobs at other companies?

Or should I do something different? Like start a business?

Obviously, you know how this turned out. But at that moment on February 10, 2017, I had no idea what was coming next. I only knew everything in body, heart, mind, and soul was SCREAMING, “NOT THIS.”

And that was enough to get started.

Over the next few months, I went through every exercise in Designing Your Life. I talked with entrepreneurs. I journaled my heart out.

As I did this exploration, possibilities opened up before me I hadn’t previously considered. I hadn’t even known enough TO consider them.

Ideas started flowing about all the things I could do in my business. I got an idea for a book I wanted to write (which was not the book I ended up writing, but that’s a story for a different day!). I could coach women one-on-one and lead group programs and speak and do all the things – and on my own!

It was like the flood gates to a new life had opened and there was no way to stop it!

There was also fear. Plenty of it. But most days possibility outweighed the fear.

I knew what my true inner voice was telling me to do. I needed to follow possibility, walk forward with the fear, and start a business.

Four months and twenty-five days later, I put in my notice. Seven months after that, on February 8, 2018, I had my last day as an employee, 363 days after I found out my job was changing.

That moment five years ago changed my life. It set me off on a journey I never could have anticipated. An amazing, challenging, DEEP journey of not just figuring out how to run a business, but figuring out how to be ME.

And it all started with a change that was completely outside of my control, I didn’t want, and hated the outcome of.

A change that seemed awful at the time, but turned out to be one of the best things that’s ever happened to me.

A change that ending up bringing ME back to ME.

I’m not going to wrap this up by telling you the exact lesson you should take from my story. Whatever you needed today will speak to you. Take what is calling to you.