My Biggest Lessons Learned in 2020

This is me on the continental divide in Colorado after backpacking straight up the side of a mountain. It somehow encompasses 2020 for me. Hard and beautiful all wrapped into one.

Last year I bought a card at a farmer's market that said on the front, "Oh no, not another learning experience!"

I feel like this card is ALL OF 2020.

One big continuous learning experience. Whether you wanted that learning or not!

This has been a year of massive change for me. I moved to Colorado. Published a book. Launched Beyond Perfect. A lot of amazing things happened this year. And it was also one of the hardest years of my life. I’ve definitely cried more in 2020 than any of the other 40 years I’ve been alive. And there was still a lot of joy. Both are true.

There were a million lessons learned this year, but as I reflected over 2020, three big ones jumped out for me that I wanted to share with you:

I don't have to be afraid of challenging emotions. Feeling them myself or showing them to others.

I'm generally a pretty happy, joyful person. More than one person has called me a ray of sunshine. In 2020 I learned that I don't have to happy all the time. I don't have to pretend to be cheerful when I'm not. I don't have to pretend everything is great when it's not. I'm allowed to be sad. AND - I can show those feelings to other people.

I learned this second part when I shared the blog post Living Alone During A Pandemic. It was the most raw piece of writing I'd ever shared publicly. I literally had tears streaming down my face as I wrote. And yes, it did make a few people sad to know I was feeling sad. But it also caused an outpouring of support. And SO MANY PEOPLE reached out to me saying they felt exactly the same way. I learned it was okay for people to know I was sad sometimes. They can handle it.

It's okay for people to know you're sad sometimes, too 🙂

It's good to learn from other people -- and then you need to listen to your true inner voice and do what works for you, regardless of what you're "supposed" to do.

I started my business three years ago. And since I'd never run a business before, I looked to everyone else to tell me how to do it. I ravenously listened to business podcasts. I did all the things marketers told me you were supposed to do to be a successful speaker and coach - launch freebies, run ads, have a Facebook group, etc. I followed the rules.

The problem was, I didn't like doing the things I was supposed to do. I hated running Facebook ads. HATED IT.

And - here's the kicker - those rules didn't work for me. The more I did what I was "supposed" to do, the less success and impact I had. And the less authentic I felt.

Mid-way through 2020 I stopped listening to the experts - and I started listening to myself. I asked myself: What works for me? What feels good? What aligns to my values and vision and the impact I want to have?

And I did those things.

Here's the fascinating thing -- when I let go of the things I was "supposed" to do to have success and started doing what felt good, I had more success - both in the traditional sense of the word and how I personally define success, which has more to do with impact and hiking and making snow angels 🙂

I also enjoyed life a whole lot more - even despite the massive ups and downs of the year. Probably because I wasn't overwhelmed with all the supposed to's and had more time for that hiking and snow angel-making.

This isn’t about running a business. It’s about listening to what you know is right for YOU. And you get to do that in every area of your life.

Many things in life need time to emerge. They can't be forced.

For years I operated with a lot of proving energy (those of you that have read my book know this!). It was forcing energy. I HAVE to know. This HAS to work. I HAVE to understand. NOW.

Turns out, many things in life just don't work that way. You can show up. You can be engaged. But you can't force.

Here's one example (of MANY) of how I learned this lesson in 2020:

I'd been thinking seriously about moving to Colorado since the beginning of 2020 (and it had been in the back of my mind for about 15 years before that!). This July I took a trip to Colorado to look around and I assumed I would know with 100% certainty when I finished that visit whether I would want to move or not.

I didn't know. I left Colorado and drove through Wyoming, across hundreds of miles of corn fields in Nebraska and Iowa, and up through southern Minnesota back home to Minneapolis - and I still didn't know.

I decided in that moment it was okay that I didn't know. Instead, I would purposefully allow the decision to emerge.

It didn't take long. The decision came three days later. I'll never forget the moment when I suddenly knew, with 100% certainty, that I needed to move to Colorado. I was sitting outside on my patio in the dark writing and in the space of a moment I went from journaling about the decision to actually making the decision.

I wrote, "The decision is made. I am moving to Colorado. There is no if. The best things in life are scary and maybe I just need to keep writing it again and again. I am moving to Colorado. And now, as I write these words, I am smiling. The fear is morphing into excitement. An involuntary smile on my lips. Because I know this is right. I am moving to Colorado."

After that moment, I had no doubt about my decision to move. Fear definitely still came up, but not doubt. It was a certainty I never could have forced because it came from a deep inner knowing - a knowing that required time and space to emerge.

This is especially true for new, big things in your life. Changes in your career. Starting a business. Moving. Relationships. Creative endeavors. You can show up and participate. But you can't force. Give yourself grace and space to allow your life to emerge.

That's it. Just a few huge life lessons for 2020 🙂

Cheers to 2021. YOU MADE IT.