An Unexpected Lesson In Letting Go Of Perfect

A few days ago I got back from an amazing vacation in Baja, Mexico. I booked a trip through Wild Women Expeditions (best name for a company ever!) and I spent nine days camping, kayaking, snorkeling (including with sea lions!), soaking in hot springs, hiking, and whale watching.

I shut off social media, didn't look at my work email, and took a breath. It was everything a vacation is supposed to be.

But that's not what I want to share with you today.

Instead, I want to tell you a story about how letting go of perfect added so much joy to this trip - for me and for others.

Here's the start of the story: I used to be TERRIFIED to sing alone in front of other people.

I could lead silly camp songs with the best of them, but when it came down to truly singing, it was all fear.

I was afraid my voice would crack and I would get off key and sound terrible.

Basically, I was afraid of not being perfect.

All this fear had the unfortunate side effect of CAUSING my voice to break, so the few times I did sing in front of people and that happened, it just made me more afraid to try again.

But here's the thing - I LOVED to sing alone. I've played the guitar for over 20 years and I've spent thousands of hours strumming my guitar and belting out folk songs in the privacy of my living room.

Just not solo in front of other people.

This all started to break down a little over two years ago. I heard the song Crowded Table by The Highwomen and immediately knew it needed to be shared with my spiritual community. Communicating the message of that song was more important than my fear.

So in January 2020, I took a deep breath, got up in front of those 30 people with my guitar, and sang into a microphone. Alone.

My right leg shook so badly when I started to sing that I had to cross it over my left leg and put the weight of my guitar on top of it to calm it down. That's how nervous I was.

My voice wasn't perfect. It wasn't terrible either. I'm going to objectively say it was totally decent

Most importantly, I survived - which gave me the confidence to do it again.

Fast forward two years. I still get a little nervous singing in front of people, but nothing like it was. I've shared a bunch of videos of me singing on my personal Facebook page and occasionally led a song at a bonfire.

You might be thinking right now - what does this have to do with kayaking in Baja?!?

I'll tell you.

One of our guides had a guitar.

On the second night of our trip, she broke it out and had us all singing Country Roads. After that, I led everyone in a round of Leaving On A Jet Plane.

After that, our group became singers! We sang John Denver countless times along with What's Up (Four Non-Blondes) and Both Sides Now (Joni Mitchell) as we drove through the desert in our van. We pulled out the guitar on the beach and I sang Jewel and the Wailin' Jennys and more Joni Mitchell.

Every word we sang filled me with joy. And it filled others with joy, too. I know because they told me.

None of this would have been possible a few years ago.

We all would have missed out on this experience if I'd been too afraid of making a mistake and having others hear my imperfect voice.

Letting go of perfect allowed for joy. And connection. And memories I will never forget.

Now I want to turn the question over to you.

Where do you need to let go of perfect to allow for joy and connection?

Ask the question compassionately. With curiosity and kindness.

What comes up for you?

And then take a step away from perfect and move towards joy.

Want to learn more about how to let go of perfect? My book, An Overachiever’s Guide To Breaking The Rules: How To Let Go Of Perfect and Live Your Truth, will show you the way.