Why affirmations, mantras, and positive thinking alone don’t work

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I recently started reading The Gifts of Imperfection by Brené Brown. The first time I heard the title many years ago I remember thinking, “Gifts? Yeah right. I may need to ACCEPT my imperfections, but they are NOT gifts.”

Maybe this thinking is the reason it took me so long to pick up the book, despite being a HUGE Brené Brown fan.

This past Sunday I read a line in the book that struck me as true and real as the couch I’m sitting on – “I’ve never seen any evidence of “how-to” working without talking about the things that get in the way.”

YES.

YES to all of this.

We are addicted to headlines that read, “5 simple steps to lose weight fast” and “3 practices guaranteed to find you love” and “The ultimate how-to guide to building a 7-figure business.”

No one clicks into a headline that says, “The uncomfortable process to explore your shame and fear so that you can live authentically.”

But the latter is what’s needed for REAL change. Change that doesn’t last a week or a month, but an entire lifetime.

We must examine the limiting beliefs holding us back and the parts of our story we’re ashamed to own. We need to hear the inner critic and understand why it’s talking. We have to know the obstacles getting in our way.

It’s like setting up a tent. Before plunking it onto the ground, you look around and make sure there aren’t any sticks or rocks that are going to make sleeping uncomfortable or poke a hole in your tent. And if there are, you REMOVE THEM. Way better to take the 5 minutes up front than attempt to sleep with a rock digging into your shoulder.

And so is life. It takes time and energy to remove the rocks and sticks, but it is 100% worth it. It’s worth it to ENJOY your life. To let go of proving yourself by saying yes to everything and everyone. To release the expectations you’ve piled on yourself since middle school. To follow the career path that your authentic self desires. To release the need for perfection and embrace the gifts of imperfection (yes, I believe they are actually gifts now 🙂).

All this is possible because you know in your heart of hearts that you are valuable. You are worthy. You are enough.

That is the work of real change. No quick-fixes and how-to guides can get you there.

If you’re ready to do the work, click here to set up a free coaching consultation with me. In that call, we’ll explore what’s holding you back and discuss if coaching is the right path for you to remove those obstacles so that you can have the life and career you really want.

What do you hire a coach for?

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I often get asked why people hire a coach and when is the right time to invest your energy and money into coaching. There are a MILLION great reasons to hire a coach, but people tend to fall into one of two broad categories:

  1. You’re facing a challenge and you want help sorting through it and making good decisions
  2. You’re looking to take your business, career, or life to the next level and you want accountability, tools, and support to make it happen

Yes, those are huge categories! You can find a coach to help you on parenting, divorce, weight loss, work-life balance, becoming a CEO, team dynamics, leading change, etc, etc, etc. It can be overwhelming! I want you to know exactly who I work with and can best serve.

First, I work with women! I’ve worked with hundreds of women in workshops, leadership development programs, and in one-on-one coaching, so I KNOW what women are facing and have developed tools designed especially for you. Beyond that, my clients tend to fall into one of three categories:

  • You’re considering making a career change, but the thought of actually taking the leap is terrifying!  Maybe you want to leave corporate and start a business. Or change companies. Or entire career tracks. But you think to yourself, “Can I really do this? What if I fail? Can I be successful elsewhere? What will people think?”
  • You experience a lot of self-doubt and imposter syndrome at work and want more confidence. You may feel like a fraud, question your skills, wonder if everyone in the room is smarter than you, or hold yourself back from opportunities because you don’t feel ready.
  • You’re a stressed-out overachiever that wants to take a more balanced approach – while still finding success in your career. You’ve been hustling since high school and you’re ready for the madness to stop! You want to achieve in your career AND enjoy the rest of your life.


Do any of these sound like you? If so, it’s time to schedule a call with me. In this free 30-minute consultation you’ll get clear on what you want and what’s holding you back. We’ll get to know each other, I’ll answer all your questions, and then we’ll decide together if coaching is the right fit for you.

 
In addition to the massive amounts of personal growth that comes with coaching, my clients have asked for (and received!) raises, received multiple job offers, and created new career paths for themselves. They’ve also learned to say NO so they can slow down, enjoy life, and get the important work done. After coaching they trust their true inner voice and have tools to manage doubt so they can get out of their own way. They are living life and pursuing their career ON PURPOSE. Past clients have said:

  • “Heather helped me find the answers and get the strength to seek them out.  Neither one of us knew where they were or what they were, but she guided me in a gentle way AND supported me in the process when it was super scary and I was full of doubt and fear.  And she helped me find the strength to question that fear and replace it with something else that made me feel empowered instead of scared. It was a journey of discovery. Actually life changing in many ways.”
  • “I feel more empowered. Less timid. I needed that little push to know that there’s more of me I can experience. Those fears are just fears. They can’t control my way of thinking or the way I feel about myself.”
  • “I learned how to believe in myself and know my worth.”
  • “Heather is very competent in the HR space and has a strong grasp of organizational dynamics. I never felt judged by her, but she pushed me when I judged myself.”

Click HERE to schedule your free coaching consultation.

Did you know that I make a $50 donation to the non-profit of your choice when you refer someone to me that becomes a client? Go ahead and forward the link to this blog post to anyone that might benefit from coaching – it’s a win-win for your friend and your favorite non-profit!

My #1 Tip For Dealing With Imposter Syndrome

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IMPOSTER SYNDROME! If you’re reading this blog you’ve probably heard of it. But just in case….here’s a quick definition. 

Imposter syndrome is just that – it’s feeling like an imposter, a fraud, like someone is going to find you out.

It also means that you assess yourself as lower or worse than you actually are. Like when you get an awesome opportunity and you think, Holy crap, I’m not ready for that! I just got lucky. I only got that opportunity because they like me. 

Yep, that’s imposter syndrome.

It manifests in a bunch of different ways, from not going after the promotion or big client because we aren’t sure we can really hack it at that level to keeping ideas to yourself in meetings (especially with leaders!) to staying in a bad job too long because you question if you can be successful at another company.

And it just doesn’t feel good. Wouldn’t you rather feel like your confident, authentic true self rather than a fraud? Yeah, me too.

SO – now that you have your primer on imposter syndrome, what the heck can you do about it?!?

Here’s my #1 tip: NAME IT.

Yep. That’s it. Whenever you hear those imposter thoughts start to circle in your head, stop and NAME IT. Say to yourself “That’s just my inner critic talking. That’s just imposter syndrome. It’s there. That’s cool. I hear you, but you’re not going to make decisions for me.” 

That’s it! Try it the next time you feel like an imposter and your inner critic shows up. Let me know how it goes!

Are you ready for more ways to combat imposter syndrome? Click here for Five Ways To Quiet The Inner Critic that you can use today!

The Secret Thoughts Of Successful Women

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No, I did not come up with that title, but it’s pretty fantastic. “The Secrets Thoughts of Successful Women” is a perfect way to describe imposter syndrome.

SECRET because we don’t talk about our doubting, imposter thoughts.

Whenever I facilitate a workshop on imposter syndrome, one of the biggest comments I get back is, “It’s so nice to know I’m not alone thinking this way. I thought I was the only one.”

Let me guarantee you right now – you’re not the only one that feels like a fraud or wonders if you have what it takes. But you feel alone because our thoughts and feelings are only taking place in secret.

SUCCESSFUL because imposter syndrome impacts overachieving women that are uber-capable, climbing the corporate ladder, growing their business, and becoming strong leaders.

But when they achieve this success they feel like they don’t belong. Like they’re going to be found out. Like everyone in the room is smarter and has fancier degrees.

So it’s the perfect title for Valerie Young’s book.

It’s also one of the items in this month’s Go Love Yourself Box, a monthly subscription box focused entirely on personal development.

Each month there is a different theme, from sleep to friendship to – you guessed it – imposter syndrome. In the box you get a personal development book on the topic with a workbook as well as tools and treats to help you put your development into action. There is also a Facebook group where you get to interact with a community of women so that you don’t have to feel alone in your challenges (and your joys!).

Why am I telling you all this? Two reasons: 1) I’m working with The Go Love Yourself Box this month as one of their featured coaches! Which means I get to coach women and talk about imposter syndrome with a whole new group of people. Woo-hoo! 2) This is an awesome product that I wanted all of you to know about. If you’re reading this blog you already have an interest in personal development and this box is a great way to keep learning each month!

Follow The Go Love Yourself Box on Instagram (@thegoloveyourselfbox) or Facebook or go to their website to learn more.

Happy learning!