What to do when your soul is appalled

What to do when your soul is appalled

I recently listened to Elizabeth Gilbert and Rob Bell interview each other at a live New Year’s event that they posted to Rob Bell’s podcast, The RobCast. In the middle of the interview Liz (I’ve seen her live twice, so clearly we’re on a casual first name basis 🙂) brought up what happens when your soul is appalled. And when you’re in this situation, she said, you don’t have to know exactly the path you’re supposed to be on. You only have to know enough to say, “NOT THIS”.

NOT THIS to the job that is sucking your soul dry.

NOT THIS to the schedule that is leaving you exhausted.

NOT THIS to the “friend” that takes way more than she ever gives.

NOT THIS to holding yourself to such high standards that it’s only a matter of time before you break.

NOT THIS to nodding your head silently and putting on a happy face while you’re screaming on the inside.

Elizabeth Gilbert Quote

Before I started my business I worked for many years in HR and leadership development for large companies. In late 2016 I found out we were going to restructure our team and shuffle around responsibilities. I let my wishes be known that I loved my work in women’s leadership development and was interested in doing more work in talent management.

On the morning of February 10, 2017 – my birthday – I found out that 75% of my job was going to be performance management. Something I never had any interest in. There was an immediate lurch in my stomach. I almost started to cry in my boss’s office, but I held back tears and said it would be fine. But I knew it wasn’t fine. My entire being was screaming NOT THIS.

My soul was appalled. There was nothing “wrong” with the job, but it just wasn’t right for me. I didn’t know the next step in my career but I knew it was NOT THIS. I immediately starting exploring and considering different possibilities. Get a different corporate job? Talk to my boss to let her know I couldn’t stay in this job very long? Or take the big leap and start my own business?

Over the next 5 months of exploring I landed on becoming an entrepreneur. It was exciting and terrifying and completely overwhelming, but my soul knew it was the right decision. Instead of NOT THIS, my soul gently kept saying, THIS, THIS, THIS (click here to get an exercise that can help you get back in touch with what your soul and inner voice are saying to you).

I had no idea where my path would lead that day in my boss’s office when I found out my job was going to change. I only knew that my soul was appalled and screaming NOT THIS.

Is your soul roaring NOT THIS to any part of your life? Comment of send me a message to let me know what’s happening for you.

Heather Whelpley is a coach and speaker that works with high achieving women that want to stop overwhelm and get back their joy while still having a successful career. Click here to learn more about coaching.

The ONE question to ask yourself to know if it’s time for change

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Are you ready for the easiest way to know if it’s time to make a change? It’s a single question and will only take you 5 seconds to answer. Here it is…

Take a deep breath and fast forward one year into the future. You’ve continued on the exact path you’re on today.  You’re in the same job, same pace of life, relationships functioning in the same way. How does that make you feel?

Be honest. What was your immediate response?

If your answer was “I’d feel awesome!” or “Great! I’d be happy to keep going down the same road I’m on now!” then you’re probably good. Of course, we always can (and should!) continue to push ourselves outside of our comfort zone and develop, but your general trajectory is likely solid. And that’s awesome!

But if your immediate response was feeling sad, stuck, overwhelmed, anxious, or even angry, then it’s a sign you need to make a change.

Tell me, what was most frustrating when you pictured yourself on the same path one year in the future? Was it your job? The crazy hustling you’re doing to get everything done each day yet still feeling behind? A relationship? Continuing to be tired – not just physically, but mentally, emotionally, and spiritually?

Or was it everything all together?

Take some time to explore what came up for you. Often the first thing that comes to mind is only part of the picture. Dig deeper. Re-evaluate what is really most important to you. Start taking action to change.

If you’d like help figuring out what changes need to happen and taking action to make those changes a reality, I would love to talk to you. You can schedule a free coaching consultation HERE.

You deserve to lead a life you love. You deserve to be fulfilled. You deserve to look a year into the future and be EXCITED. 

 

Heather Whelpley is a coach and speaker that works with women to stop the hustle so they can reclaim their life and focus on what’s really important. Click here to learn more about coaching.

Five Steps To Reclaim Your Joy

5 steps to reclaim your joy

Do you feel like you’ve lost some of your joy? You’re not necessarily truly unhappy, but you don’t have that same joie de vivre that you had earlier in life?

I felt this way several years ago as well. Somewhere in process of becoming a “real” adult with a corporate job and freeway commute and gym membership, I had lost some of my joy. When I was younger I regularly lost complete control of my laughter – to the point where it was a joke among my friends that I had reached my own personal “happy hour” when I just couldn’t stop laughing. In my sixth grade yearbook there were two things listed next to my name. “Good at math” and “Laughing”. But those belly laughs weren’t coming as regularly as I entered my 30’s. I still had fun, but it wasn’t the same.

Two big things gave me joy back – slowing down and giving myself permission to be unproductive. For me, they go hand in hand. I had to give myself permission to be unproductive in order to slow down and I had to slow down to be able to give myself permission to be unproductive. How’s that for a mouthful of a sentence?!? But it’s true! I knew I needed to slow down, but the achiever in me felt like I always needed to be productive – even in my free time. So I rushed around getting everything done on my to-do list, feeling like a wheel was constantly revving inside my chest. Even when I allowed myself a 20-minute nap it was in the name of productivity!

I’m happy to tell you that my joy has returned full force. There are regular moments now when I feel completely overwhelmed with joy and wonder in the best way ever. Friends that have known me for years comment on how happy I am. A few have even said I look younger! A nice side benefit 🙂

You too can get your joy back. I created this guide just for you – The Five Steps To Reclaim Your Joy. Just follow the link, enter your name and email, and you’ll be directed to the guide immediately. You’ll see that slowing down and giving yourself permission to be unproductive are the first two steps in the guide, but there are three more that you can start using today!

I promise you haven’t lost your joy. It is sitting inside of you, just waiting for you to reclaim it.

Heather Whelpley is a coach and speaker that works with women to stop the hustle so they can reclaim their life and focus on what’s really important. Click here to learn more about coaching.

Slowing Down Is Vulnerable – Here’s Why You Need To Do It Anyway

Brené Brown quote on vulnerability

If there was one thing I wish I could say to all my clients (and 99% of Americans, including myself) it would be this:

SLOW DOWN.

We never stop! Our bodies and minds are going ALL THE TIME. We get on a hamster wheel the second we wake up and we don’t get off of it until we go to bed (that is, assuming you can put the worries and to-do list aside well enough to actually sleep).

Part of our busyness is habit. Part is an obligation to say yes to everything. Part is cultural expectations that we should always be productive.

But I’ve realized recently there is another reason.

Slowing down is vulnerable.

When we take a break, we worry if there will be enough.

When we quiet our mind, things surface we’ve been working to avoid.

When we define ourselves by our busyness and check marks on a to-do list, we question who we even are when we slow down.

Slowing down opens us up to all sorts of vulnerability.

But slowing down also opens us up to creativity. And focus. And joy.

It allows us to be grounded, centered, and present.

It open the airwaves so we can hear our true inner voice.

And that is where the magic happens.

So expect vulnerability when you slow down. Let go of any notion of transcendence or perfect quiet or the “right” way to slow down. Instead, muddle through it, messy and imperfect though it may be. Your magical, authentic, true self is on the other side.

 

Heather Whelpley is a coach and speaker that works with high achieving women to master doubt and imposter syndrome, re-evaluate what they really want in their career and life, and move forward to create their authentic path. Click HERE to join Heather’s mailing list and receive a free copy of Five Ways To Quiet The Inner Critic.

What To Do When You Feel Guilty For Wanting To Leave Your Job

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You have a good job. Decent salary. 401K match. Benefits. Stable company. You’re even working in the field you wanted.

There’s just one problem.

You don’t like your job.

And you feel GUILTY for even entertaining the idea of a change.

You have ALL the thoughts…

  • I have what I wanted – shouldn’t I be happy?
  • Other people would kill for this job and all the great things I have in my life – why can’t I just enjoy it?
  • What is everyone going to think if I leave? Will they be mad?
  • Why can’t I just be grateful?

Here’s the little secret….

This isn’t an either/or situation.

You can be GRATEFUL and want CHANGE at the same time.

Wanting something different doesn’t mean you’re greedy.

Leaving your company doesn’t mean you aren’t loyal.

Changing jobs or entire careers doesn’t mean you aren’t grateful for everything that has brought you to this point.

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When your inner voice nudges you in a new direction, you NEED to explore it. Even if you aren’t sure what’s next. Even if you don’t know where the new direction might lead.

It’s time to stop feeling guilty for knowing you’re meant for something different.

Be grateful – and start changing.

 

Heather Whelpley is a coach and speaker that works with women to stop the hustle and reclaim their joy. Click HERE to join Heather’s mailing list and receive a free copy of Five Ways To Quiet The Inner Critic.

Do you feel stuck? Here’s what’s REALLY going on

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Coaching clients often come to me with the same problem – they feel “stuck.” Some are unhappy in their job and want to make a change, but they don’t know what that looks like. Some have a vision, but are overwhelmed and unsure of the next step. Some say they just want to get back to feeling like themselves again. Others feel like they’ve lost their ability to dream and consider new possibilities.

Occasionally these clients really do some practical tools to consider new career paths and possibilities.

But that’s not usually what happens.

Almost every time, once we get into the coaching, we discover the problem isn’t being stuck. Here’s what really going on:

  1. Doubt and fear are getting in the way. It’s not that they don’t know WHAT they want – it’s that they don’t think they can actually GET it. They don’t go for the job they want because they don’t feel qualified. They don’t launch the business they’ve been thinking about for years because they’re afraid it’s not going to work or or believe it’s all been done before, so why even try. They don’t change career paths because they worry about what other people are going to think or fear they don’t have what it takes to be successful in a new field.
  2. They’ve lost connection to their true inner voice. This is the voice of your inner wisdom. Your authentic voice that is completely aligned to your purpose and values and JUST KNOWS. It’s always there, but we’re not taught to listen to it. It gets lost in the noise of our lives.

These often go together. When you lose connection to your true inner voice, you start to doubt yourself. Fear and imposter syndrome and the inner critic show up and throw a party.

The good news is this is completely fixable! Through coaching and different practices you can manage doubt and reconnect to your true inner voice so you can get unstuck and start following your true path.

Want to start today? Click HERE for a 15-minute journaling exercise to tap into your true inner voice.

Why affirmations, mantras, and positive thinking alone don’t work

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I recently started reading The Gifts of Imperfection by BrenĂ© Brown. The first time I heard the title many years ago I remember thinking, “Gifts? Yeah right. I may need to ACCEPT my imperfections, but they are NOT gifts.”

Maybe this thinking is the reason it took me so long to pick up the book, despite being a HUGE Brené Brown fan.

This past Sunday I read a line in the book that struck me as true and real as the couch I’m sitting on – “I’ve never seen any evidence of “how-to” working without talking about the things that get in the way.”

YES.

YES to all of this.

We are addicted to headlines that read, “5 simple steps to lose weight fast” and “3 practices guaranteed to find you love” and “The ultimate how-to guide to building a 7-figure business.”

No one clicks into a headline that says, “The uncomfortable process to explore your shame and fear so that you can live authentically.”

But the latter is what’s needed for REAL change. Change that doesn’t last a week or a month, but an entire lifetime.

We must examine the limiting beliefs holding us back and the parts of our story we’re ashamed to own. We need to hear the inner critic and understand why it’s talking. We have to know the obstacles getting in our way.

It’s like setting up a tent. Before plunking it onto the ground, you look around and make sure there aren’t any sticks or rocks that are going to make sleeping uncomfortable or poke a hole in your tent. And if there are, you REMOVE THEM. Way better to take the 5 minutes up front than attempt to sleep with a rock digging into your shoulder.

And so is life. It takes time and energy to remove the rocks and sticks, but it is 100% worth it. It’s worth it to ENJOY your life. To let go of proving yourself by saying yes to everything and everyone. To release the expectations you’ve piled on yourself since middle school. To follow the career path that your authentic self desires. To release the need for perfection and embrace the gifts of imperfection (yes, I believe they are actually gifts now 🙂).

All this is possible because you know in your heart of hearts that you are valuable. You are worthy. You are enough.

That is the work of real change. No quick-fixes and how-to guides can get you there.

If you’re ready to do the work, click here to set up a free coaching consultation with me. In that call, we’ll explore what’s holding you back and discuss if coaching is the right path for you to remove those obstacles so that you can have the life and career you really want.

Five Ways To Get More Quiet In Your Life – Without Meditating

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If there is one common thing I see among my clients – among all Americans really – is that we need more quiet in our lives.

Our lives are filled with noise. People and devices are constantly talking to us – and often at the same time. If we have a minute of downtime, we pull out our phones to scroll through social media or check email. We’re so used to noise that it can be uncomfortable to be in the quiet.

But we need quiet. BADLY. We need to stop and listen to ourselves think. To get back in touch with our true inner voice. That whispering in the back of our heart that keeps us on our authentic path.

Meditating is an awesome way to get more quiet in our lives. But I also know that it can be hard to find the time. And I hear a ton of people judge themselves for not meditation “perfectly” – i.e. they can’t sit still and empty their minds. (Side note – if this is you, there is no such thing as perfect meditation! Our brains are designed to think and we’re on overdrive all the time – you can’t be expected to sit down for 10 minutes and magically empty out your brain!).

I wanted to share five ways to get more quiet in your life that don’t involve mediation – or any extra time at all.

  1. Drive with the radio off. I do this about 50% of the time now, but it was WEIRD the first time I did it. I don’t think I’d ever sat in a car without music or talking of some kind. But it quickly became a respite for me and I think you will learn to love it as well. Same approach goes if you take public transport instead of driving. Practice just sitting there quietly.
  2. Take a walk without headphones. Unplug. Feel your feet hit the ground. Look at the flowers or the way the sun hits the snow. Listen to the birds. Notice what is happening around you and just be present.
  3. Eat a meal alone without looking at your phone, watching TV, etc. Really enjoy each bite of your food. Smell it, feel the texture, taste every morsel of flavor.
  4. Take a day without social media. Technically social media doesn’t always have actual, physical noise as we’re scrolling through, but it’s like noise in our brains. So take a day a week or each month and give yourself a break from social media. Pro tip: Delete the apps on your phone so you won’t be tempted. They only take a few minutes to reinstall!
  5. Choose your own quiet. What is something that you typically do with noise? Do you workout while listening to podcasts? Cook with music? Do the dishes with the TV on in the background? There is nothing wrong with any of these things, but try doing one of them in silence.

Most of these activities will be uncomfortable at first. Expect the discomfort. Embrace it. And you’ll soon learn to enjoy the quiet 🙂

Heather Whelpley is a coach and speaker that works with women to master doubt and imposter syndrome and own their brilliance. Learn more about her coaching services here.

Stop “Should-ing” All Over Yourself

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Last spring I was invited to take a day of no obligation.

A day when I followed exactly what my heart and body told me to do.

A day to unhook from all the “shoulds” in my life and just BE.

It was kind of amazing.

And also completely eye-opening to see how much I followed the “should”.

One situation in particular still sticks with me. I completed a hiking loop in a park and immediately thought, “I have time, I should do another loop.”

But then I caught myself. Did I actually WANT to do another loop?

The answer was a clear NO.

I had enjoyed my hour of hiking and it was time to be done.

I realized that I have a big “should” around exercise – mainly that more is always better. That belief has led me in the past to exercise when I was sick or exhausted and to punish myself for overeating by trying to burn all the calories that I had consumed.

I thought I had put these beliefs behind me. That I exercised for my health and because it felt good.

And yet – this SHOULD to do another hiking loop just to get more exercise was my automatic thought.

It was only because I had taken this purposeful day of no obligation that I paused to question my thoughts.

What “shoulds” are you holding onto?

Do you stop yourself from rocking the boat because you SHOULD be the nice girl?

Are you staying in a job because you SHOULD like it?

Do you say yes every time someone asks for your help because you feel like you SHOULD, even if you’re already completely overloaded?

Instead of following your “shoulds” start asking yourself what you really want.

Do you want to speak your mind even if it means rocking the boat?

Is your job actually rewarding and fulfilling?

Do you want to say no without an excuse or apology?

A life of should is not happy. It is overwhelming, stressful, and misaligned to our values.

Following what we actually want is engaging and fun. It can also be hard – but in a good way! The way that makes us learn and grow. And it’s always satisfying. Because it’s authentic and real. Because it’s us showing up exactly as we are.

So start asking what you really want. And stop shoulding all over yourself.

Heather Whelpley is a coach and speaker that works with high achieving women that want to stop overwhelm and get back their joy while still having a successful career. Click here to get the Five Steps To Reclaim Your Joy.

Weeding Our Beliefs

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What do you believe?

It’s a big question.

We hold beliefs about everything – the job we’re supposed to be in, how attractive we are, whether we’re good at painting, running, math, or being a leader. Our beliefs affect how we work, learn, love, and live.

I inadvertently began a deep dive into my own beliefs in January during a discussion on spirituality with Andy, a friend (and fellow coach!) I had recently met. I referenced my past Christian upbringing when describing the connection I felt in the world by saying, “I guess that’s what some people would call the Holy Spirit.”

Andy’s response?

“You can call it whatever you want.”

It wasn’t exactly a spiritual awakening – more like a spiritual startling. I had to pause for moment to let it sink in.

He was right. This was my belief. I could call it whatever I wanted.

I continued examining my beliefs in preparation for a panel discussion on generations and faith at St. Andrew’s Lutheran Church in February, the church where I grew up and worked for many years. During a meeting ahead of the panel, someone mentioned they didn’t understand what it meant to be spiritual and not religious. So I decided to share my perspective during the event.

In front of 200 people.

In the same room where I had been confirmed 23 years earlier.

The irony and impact of the moment hit me about an hour before I went on stage. A million thoughts went through my head. Would people be disappointed in me? Would they look at me like I was crazy when I described spirituality as being in the flow and feeling like I was stepping into the river of the universe?

Maybe. But I did it anyway.

It was a true adult moment. I stood on a stage with a microphone and put a stake in the ground on my beliefs. And I called them what I wanted; what I chose.

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Last Thursday I attended a workshop on creating happiness. The facilitators told us that we are constantly cultivating our beliefs – and it’s our job to weed out the beliefs that no longer serve us.

Think for a moment….

Are you in a job today because of a belief you held at nineteen that no longer applies?

Do you avoid art classes or public speaking or asking someone out on a date because somewhere along the line you believed you weren’t good enough?

How many of your beliefs were given to you by your parents? Your teachers? A former boyfriend, coach, or manager?

Do those beliefs still serve you?

Or is it time to do some weeding?

 

Heather Whelpley is a coach and speaker that works with women to master doubt and imposter syndrome and own their brilliance. Learn more about her coaching services here.